I'm in a long term relationship. How does a couple know the difference between when they're having normal relationship problems and when they might require professional help?

Signed, When To Throw In The Towel

Dear When To Throw In The Towel,

Based on my experience treating couples, here's five quick tips that work well to tell if your relationship is on the rocks and in need of a life raft:

1.) You fight more than half the time. It's not fighting, but the way you do battle that matters. There's healthy and unhealthy fighting. All couples argue. But if the disagreements are usually hostile, demeaning, and critical, especially if one of the partners feels unsafe (emotionally or physically), then you want to seek professional assistance.

2.) If one of the partners is pulling away or withdrawing from the relationship much of the time. This is when communication is shut down. This is a passive aggressive way to channel anger. A partner could be glued to the Internet, TV, treadmill, or work instead of talking, working things out, and spending quality time with their partner.

3.) Sexual problems. This could mean no intimacy, no sex, or cheating. If you haven't had sex in more than a few months, than professional intervention is a good idea.

4.) Emotional problems. This could mean one of the partners has been affected with lowered esteem, a depressed mood, anxiety, or is abusing a substance as a result of the relationship problems.

5.) When you're staying just for the house, money, pets, family, or other reason.

People avoid couples counseling because they fear finding out their relationship isn't right for them. This reluctance gets them stuck in an unhealthy situation. Instead, couples need to pursue treatment to find out if their relationship is fixable or not. If it isn't, then it's healthier to get out of it.

All The Best, Angelo.

Dear Angelo,

I've been dating this guy for awhile and I really like him. Problem is, he wants a commitment, and I'm afraid to do that. What should I do?

Signed, Waffling

Dear Waffling,

In general, guys are known to be commitment phobes. Giving up personal freedom, having to pass on potential partners, having unrealistic expectations, and feeling uncertain about "the one," are only a few of the possible reasons. Moreover, American men are challenged to override manly pressures to be tough, unemotional, and independent (separate) in order to be more relational. It seems much easier for men to let their hard masculine guard down in the presence of a woman, than it is for two men to do this with one another. It's not just straight men that face this challenge. Ironically, gay men often freak out when faced with true intimacy that goes beyond sex with another gay man. Additionally, it can be hard for gay men to meet other gay men for something meaningful and lasting. So gay men can face real obstacles in forging deep lasting intimacy with one another. Nevertheless, it is a worthwhile endeavor. For being in a healthy relationship is one of life's treasures.

To triumph, you can choose to confront your fear of intimacy head on.

If you imagine a crowd chasing you, you might be compelled to run away. Problem is, you could be running for the rest of your life. This leaves you out of control, anxious, fearful, not to mention exhausted. Instead, you could choose to stop, take your power, and turn around to face the crowd. Once you face them, they will begin to stand down, parting ways for you to pass through.

It's the same with fear. You can run away from it, or stand and face it down. With all of her years of experience giving advice, Ann Landers said, "If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity, it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and when it comes, hold your head high, look it squarely in the eye and say, 'I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.'" So you have to enter into the experience of the committed relationship in order to learn about and defeat your intimacy fears.

For more solutions on the topic of gay relationships, pick up your copy of my new book Straight Acting - Gay Men, Masculinity And Finding True Love available through www.askangelo.com.

All the Best, Angelo.

Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C.

The Gay Man's Therapist

Do you have a question for Angelo to address in his column? Email ask@askangelo.com. Would you appreciate a safe supportive environment to talk about personal concerns?

Get useful tools from a specialist who can understand. Podcasts, Teleseminars, Advice On Demand, Workshops, Groups and Private Practice Available. Manhattan, NY Office Tel: (917) 673-5003. www.askangelo.com

Look for Angelo Pezzote's debut novel, Straight Acting, due out in March, 2008. Preorder from Amazon here.

Miss the last installment of "Ask Angelo"? Read it here.

© 2008 AskAngelo.com; All Rights Reserved.

Article provided by GayLinkContent.com. For more information, contact us at info@gaylinkcontent.com.

Looking for a little gay representation in your next video game outing? Forget about the titles that have hogged the headlines recently—including Mass Effect and its “blink and you’ll miss them” girl-on-girl sex scenes. Gay gamers looking for a more in-your-face experience should track down the little known Internet offering, Queer Power: Welcome to Queerland, released way back in 2004.

Crafted by Italian design shop la Molleindustria, purveyor of such fine, politically-based Flash games as Orgasm Simulator, Operation: Pedopriest and Faith Fighter (which boasts the brilliant tagline: “Religious hate has never been so much fun!”), Queer Power is best compared to arcade-style beat ‘em ups of old like Street Fighter II—that is, if Street Fighter II had been conjured up by Dr. Ruth.

The differences between the two games are apparent from the start. Players choose to control either a “dick lover” or “pussy lover” (“other or confused” is an option as well) and are then thrown into an arena of sorts along with another ambisexual character.

Although battles in Street Fighter II take place in real-world environments, Queer Power’s backdrops consist of undulating sexual organs. And whereas Capcom’s classic beat ‘em up provided players with hundreds of moves and poses, developer Paolo Pedercini’s dirty little game offers just a few—nearly all of which involve one sexual act or another.

Queer Power inverts the fighting game archetypes created by the Street Fighter series in another was as well: Instead of battling to the death, “opponents” in la Molleindustria’s offering deal out massive amounts of pleasure until one or both players collapse in orgasm.

Don’t worry if it all sounds a bit strange—it is. In fact, it’s less a game than a pixilated piece of social commentary. Which is just what the controversial Pedercini was shooting for, of course.

“Game conventions are strongly biased by cultural and ideological values,” the developer says. Overturning those clichés “is a way to play with players’ expectations and push them to reflect on the stereotypes in commercial games.”

Having fun isn’t the point of Queer Power—or any of la Molleindustria’s games, for that matter. “At least not the common concept of fun,” Pedercini says. “The point is to imagine an alternate reality were everybody is free to ignore their gender roles.”

Miss the last "Gay Gaming"? Read it here.

>> They’re Here, They’re Queer… They’re Gamers?

© 2007 GayWired.com; All Rights Reserved.

Article provided by GayLinkContent.com. For more information, contact us at info@gaylinkcontent.com.

Coming out with Pro Wrestler Chris Kanyon (Chris Klucsarits) -Although I officially came out of the closet as gay to the public in February and March of this year (2006), the process started way before that in 2001.  The tragedy of Sept. 11 inspired me to start my coming out process because of the loneliness I felt on that day.  Soon afterwards in Oct of 2001, I was injured.  I thought it might be a good opportunity to take the time off and get some nationwide publicity while rehabbing my knee to come out of the closet nationally as the first ever ACTIVE Legit Openly Gay Wrestler in the US. Read the full story from Chris Kanyon